Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire.
Much to their relief she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper."
Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?"
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Friday, August 17, 2007
300 page I-Phone bill
Wow... Just wow...
"If they're sending this to everyone who sends a lot of text messages, and uses their iPhone extensively, this is a lot of waste," said Ezarik in a television interview. During the interview, she also estimated her text messaging volume at 30,000 to 35,000 messages per month.
"If they're sending this to everyone who sends a lot of text messages, and uses their iPhone extensively, this is a lot of waste," said Ezarik in a television interview. During the interview, she also estimated her text messaging volume at 30,000 to 35,000 messages per month.
Wrapping Presents with a Cat
Wrapping Presents with a Cat
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut door.
3. Open door and remove cat from closet.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc. . .
7. Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Try and smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove cat.
14. Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.
15. Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the paper.
16. Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat in the bag the present came in.
17. Place present on paper.
18. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don't reach. Realize cat is between present and paper. Remove cat.
19. Place object on paper, to hold in place while tearing transparent sticky tape.
20. Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
21. Seal paper with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
22. Look for roll of ribbon. Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve ribbon.
23. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
24. Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to cat's enthusiastic ribbon chase.
25. Repeat steps 17-24 until you reach last sheet of paper.
26. Decide to skip steps 17-21 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that is the right size for sheet of paper.
27. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
28. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
29. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for locked room.
30. Once inside lockable room, lock door and start to relay out paper and materials.
31. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close and relock.
32. Repeat previous step as often as is necessary (until you can hear cat from outside door)
33. Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small area of the toilet, but do your best)
34. Discover cat has already torn paper. Unlock door go out and hunt through various cupboards, looking for sheet of last year's paper. Remember that you haven't got any left because cat helped with this last year as well.
35. Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to make torn sheet of paper look presentable.
36. Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing with sticky tape. Tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst areas.
37. Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself on completing a difficult job.
38. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
39. Spend 15 minutes looking for cat until coming to obvious conclusion.
40. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
41. Go to store and buy a gift bag.
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut door.
3. Open door and remove cat from closet.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc. . .
7. Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Try and smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove cat.
14. Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.
15. Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the paper.
16. Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat in the bag the present came in.
17. Place present on paper.
18. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don't reach. Realize cat is between present and paper. Remove cat.
19. Place object on paper, to hold in place while tearing transparent sticky tape.
20. Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
21. Seal paper with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
22. Look for roll of ribbon. Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve ribbon.
23. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
24. Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to cat's enthusiastic ribbon chase.
25. Repeat steps 17-24 until you reach last sheet of paper.
26. Decide to skip steps 17-21 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that is the right size for sheet of paper.
27. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
28. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
29. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for locked room.
30. Once inside lockable room, lock door and start to relay out paper and materials.
31. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close and relock.
32. Repeat previous step as often as is necessary (until you can hear cat from outside door)
33. Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small area of the toilet, but do your best)
34. Discover cat has already torn paper. Unlock door go out and hunt through various cupboards, looking for sheet of last year's paper. Remember that you haven't got any left because cat helped with this last year as well.
35. Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to make torn sheet of paper look presentable.
36. Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing with sticky tape. Tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst areas.
37. Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself on completing a difficult job.
38. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
39. Spend 15 minutes looking for cat until coming to obvious conclusion.
40. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
41. Go to store and buy a gift bag.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
CIA accused of editing Wikipedia
The CIA has been accused of vandalising the page of Iran's president on the interactive encyclopedia Wikipedia.
A worker on the CIA network added "Wahhhhhh!" before a section on Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's plans for his presidency, according to reports.
It is one of many suspicious article changes revealed by a new online tool called WikiScanner, which displays the IP addresses of computers used to edit Wikipedia.
The Vatican has apparently edited entries about Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams, removing a link to newspaper stories alleging his involvement in a double murder in 1971.
Other edits from computers owned by the Vatican have "massaged" articles on several Catholic saints.
The PCs of Scientology officials were used to remove criticism in the church's Wikipedia entry.
Despite the IP address link, the CIA has not admitted the "Wahhhhhh!" comment came from one of their computers.
“I cannot confirm that the traffic you cite came from agency computers," an agency spokesman said.
"I'd like in any case to underscore a far larger and more significant point that no one should doubt or forget: The CIA has a vital mission in protecting the United States, and the focus of this agency is there, on that decisive work."
Wikipedia encourages participants to adopt online user names, but it also lets contributors be identified simply by their computers' numeric Internet addresses.
Virgil Griffith, a computer scientist about to enter grad school at CalTech, found a way to automate the process of locating the addresses and developed WikiScanner.
The free Scanner grabs the Internet Protocol addresses used in anonymous Wikipedia edits in the past five years. By combining that with public information about which IP addresses belong to whom, the Scanner reveals Wikipedia changes made from computers assigned to many organisations.
Griffith wrote on his site that he hopes "to create minor public relations disasters for companies and organisations I dislike."
Many examples are being tallied at http://wired.reddit.com/wikidgame - a page run by Wired News, which reported earlier on WikiScanner.
The program is located at http://wikiscanner.virgil.gr but intense attention has knocked it out of service many times this week.
Whatever comes of it, WikiScanner has a fan in Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales. "It is fabulous and I strongly support it," Wales told the AP.
A worker on the CIA network added "Wahhhhhh!" before a section on Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's plans for his presidency, according to reports.
It is one of many suspicious article changes revealed by a new online tool called WikiScanner, which displays the IP addresses of computers used to edit Wikipedia.
The Vatican has apparently edited entries about Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams, removing a link to newspaper stories alleging his involvement in a double murder in 1971.
Other edits from computers owned by the Vatican have "massaged" articles on several Catholic saints.
The PCs of Scientology officials were used to remove criticism in the church's Wikipedia entry.
Despite the IP address link, the CIA has not admitted the "Wahhhhhh!" comment came from one of their computers.
“I cannot confirm that the traffic you cite came from agency computers," an agency spokesman said.
"I'd like in any case to underscore a far larger and more significant point that no one should doubt or forget: The CIA has a vital mission in protecting the United States, and the focus of this agency is there, on that decisive work."
Wikipedia encourages participants to adopt online user names, but it also lets contributors be identified simply by their computers' numeric Internet addresses.
Virgil Griffith, a computer scientist about to enter grad school at CalTech, found a way to automate the process of locating the addresses and developed WikiScanner.
The free Scanner grabs the Internet Protocol addresses used in anonymous Wikipedia edits in the past five years. By combining that with public information about which IP addresses belong to whom, the Scanner reveals Wikipedia changes made from computers assigned to many organisations.
Griffith wrote on his site that he hopes "to create minor public relations disasters for companies and organisations I dislike."
Many examples are being tallied at http://wired.reddit.com/wikidgame - a page run by Wired News, which reported earlier on WikiScanner.
The program is located at http://wikiscanner.virgil.gr but intense attention has knocked it out of service many times this week.
Whatever comes of it, WikiScanner has a fan in Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales. "It is fabulous and I strongly support it," Wales told the AP.
Story from: 
New nanotech battery technology is created
TROY, N.Y. (UPI) -- U.S. nanoscientists have developed an energy storage device that resembles a sheet of black paper and might power tomorrow's electronics.
Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute researchers said their nanoengineered battery is lightweight, ultra thin, flexible, and can meet the trickiest of design and energy requirements.
Along with its ability to function in temperatures up to 300 degrees Fahrenheit and down to 100 degrees below zero, the device is completely integrated and can be printed like paper. The scientists said their device is also unique in that it can function as both a high-energy battery and a high-power supercapacitor, which are generally separate components in electrical systems.
Another key feature is the capability to use human blood or perspiration to help power the battery.
Rensselaer researchers infused the paper with aligned carbon nanotubes, which give the device its black color. The nanotubes act as electrodes and allow the storage devices to conduct electricity, providing a long, steady power output comparable to that of a conventional battery, as well as a supercapacitor's quick burst of high energy.
Details of the project are outlined in the Aug. 13 issue of the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.
Copyright 2007 by United Press International
Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute researchers said their nanoengineered battery is lightweight, ultra thin, flexible, and can meet the trickiest of design and energy requirements.
Along with its ability to function in temperatures up to 300 degrees Fahrenheit and down to 100 degrees below zero, the device is completely integrated and can be printed like paper. The scientists said their device is also unique in that it can function as both a high-energy battery and a high-power supercapacitor, which are generally separate components in electrical systems.
Another key feature is the capability to use human blood or perspiration to help power the battery.
Rensselaer researchers infused the paper with aligned carbon nanotubes, which give the device its black color. The nanotubes act as electrodes and allow the storage devices to conduct electricity, providing a long, steady power output comparable to that of a conventional battery, as well as a supercapacitor's quick burst of high energy.
Details of the project are outlined in the Aug. 13 issue of the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.
Copyright 2007 by United Press International
It's a Girl
Stationed in Okinawa, Japan, my son and his wife were expecting their first baby. I was elated when he called me at work with the news of my grandchild's birth. I took down all the statistics and turned to relate it all to my co-workers.
"I'm a grandmother!" I declared. "It's a baby girl, and she weighs five pounds."
"When was she born?" someone asked.
Recalling the date my son told me, I stopped, looked at the calendar, and said in amazement, "Tomorrow!"
"I'm a grandmother!" I declared. "It's a baby girl, and she weighs five pounds."
"When was she born?" someone asked.
Recalling the date my son told me, I stopped, looked at the calendar, and said in amazement, "Tomorrow!"
No Tail Light
"How long have you been driving without a tail light?" asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist.
The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car, and gave a long, painful groan.
He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit.
"Come on, now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious."
"It isn't?" cried the motorist. "Then you know what happened to my boat and trailer?"
The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car, and gave a long, painful groan.
He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit.
"Come on, now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious."
"It isn't?" cried the motorist. "Then you know what happened to my boat and trailer?"
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