Sunday, March 11, 2007

Headlines from the Year 2029

  • Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia (formerly California).
  • White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
  • spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
  • Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
  • Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq , Afghanistan , Syria and Lebanon ).
  • Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
  • Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
  • 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
  • Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
  • New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
  • IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
  • Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

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